Addiction
by EveLGW
Summary: Buffy and Willow have a long overdue conversation ... or do they? (Spoilers up to Older and Far Away)


Rating: PG-13?  
Spoilers: Up to Older and Far Away.  
Pairing: B/S? B/S!  
Keywords: Uhm ... hard to say ... fluff? Angst? Humour?  
Disclaimer: Last time I looked? Not mine. Where is a vengence ... uhm sorry, justice demon when you need one?  
Summary: Buffy and Willow have a long overdue conversation ... or do they?  
A/N: This idea just popped into my head - don't know if it works though. That's your place to tell ;-)  
  
  
Addiction  
by Eve  
  
  
"Buffy, could I talk to you for a sec?"  
  
"Oh, Willow! Uhm... I was just ... I was about to patroll ..."  
  
"Buffy, I know."  
  
"So, we'll talk when I come back, right? We'll sit down and have a ..."  
  
"No, Buffy what I mean is ... I know. I know what you're about to do."  
  
"What? How ... Did Ta... n-no, she wouldn't. She promised. "  
  
"Hey, sit down. You look all pale and shaky. "  
  
"It's just ... don't be mad at me. Please."  
  
"Are you crying? Oh Buffy ... I didn't want to ... I'm not mad at you. "  
  
"You aren't?"  
  
"No, I'm not. I should be, but I'm not. Not very. I mean you're all grown-up now, you should know what's best for you."  
  
"I know. And I know that it's wrong."  
  
"Then why are you doing it? I mean, I know that it's hard to give up something so addictive. I'm still trying to get over this magic stuff and sometimes it's not easy."  
  
"I'm still sorry I wasn't there for you, Willow."  
  
"I know. But I know that between all the slaying and working you hardly have time for yourself any longer."  
  
"Still I should have been there for you. I promise that I'll do something about it and fit in some quality time for my friends and family more often."  
  
"That'll be cool. Just like old times. But Buffy, you have to promise me something else."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Give it up. Fight against it. Please."  
  
"I've tried, Willow. I've tried so hard. But I ... I don't seem to be able to do it."  
  
"There was something similar to this in the past, wasn't there?"  
  
"Don't bring that up, Willow. That was something completely different."  
  
"Sorry Buffy, but we have to talk about it. I mean anybody could see the parallels. They are both related, aren't they?"  
  
"That's definitely something I don't want to talk or even think about like ever. ... Do you think it could have something to do with it?"  
  
"I don't know. All I know is that I'm afraid for you, because the other thing turned out bad. Really bad."  
  
"That's quite an understatement if I ever heard one. "  
  
"Then why are you doing this to yoursef, Buffy? And to us? Did you forget how -"  
  
"No. Of course I remember it. How could I ever forget."  
  
"I don't want to make it any harder for you, but you know that you're putting us in danger, too. It's not just bad for you, but bad for the ones near you too."  
  
"But I tried to be careful. I really did. This thing ... it would never harm you. Never. I'd make sure of it. I promise."  
  
"I just don't want you to get hurt again, Buffy."  
  
"It's a bit late for that, I suppose. I already got hurt. But I don't think ... I don't think that it's the same, you know? It's different this time."  
  
"You think that it's different from back then? I don't think so. But at least it was just once. This one is more severe."  
  
"Do you think really think so? I tried to argue with myself but thinking and feeling don't seem to fit together any more. And lately, I can't stop ... can't stop feeling ... those things ... I shouldn't. Be feeling."  
  
"So it's more intense this time? "  
  
"Yeah. Definitely more intense."  
  
"Better?"  
  
"Better. To tell the truth it's like nothing I've ever experienced before."  
  
"And that frightens you?"  
  
"Of course it does. Because it's wrong. It's so wrong."  
  
"I'm glad that you still realize this, Buffy. It'll make it easier for you to get over it. To leave it behind."  
  
"But I really don't know whether I can to it. Or if I even want to try it. I know we don't speak much about it and I really don't want to make it any harder for you Willow, but after I ... after you brought me back it was all that made me feel alive. It still is. I know it shouldn't, but I can't seem to help it."  
  
"Oh Buffy."   
  
"And I thought ... that I came back different. I mean I was feeling all these things I shouldn't and then it started and I ... I felt so much darker. So much different."  
  
"What do you mean you thought you came back different? How different?"  
  
"Wrong. I thought I came back wrong. But I asked Tara to do ... to do some research. Magical research."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Tara helped me. She found out that there wasn't anything wrong with me, at least not the way I thought."  
  
"Good. That's good."  
  
"Will? Is everything alright?"  
  
"Yeah. I just wish ... I wish you'd come to me. That I could've helped you. I just didn't say that, did I? I mean, I just didn't made a wish?"  
  
"You did. Nothing happened though, so I guess no vengen... sorry, justice demon seems to be lurking around the house. This time. But seriously, Tara helped me a lot. Even though the outcome wasn't quite what I expected it to be."  
  
"I'm glad about it."  
  
"So anyway ... how did you find out? Was it something I did? Oh my god, you didn't see anything, did you? Please tell me you didn't -"  
  
"Calm down, Buffy. I didn't. And I'm pretty sure the others didn't either."  
  
"Thank god. After what happened at the birthday party ... you know, Tara nearly got a good look at it. But if you - again thank god - didn't see anything, how did you... ?"  
  
"The smell."  
  
"Which smell?"  
  
"The cigarette smell. It does cling to you, Buffy. To your clothes, your hair. Each time you came home from patrolling, you smelled like you've spend all night long in a smokehouse. I think after a while you just didn't notice it any more."  
  
"Yeah, I guess so. Uhm ... to tell the truth I even came to like it. The smell. It felt ... comfy. It made me calm. I tried to shower each time after I came home from ... you know ... before I ran across one of you guys, but I guess I might have slipped a bit."  
  
"You know that it's bad for you, do you? Not just bad for your body but bad for your psyche as well."  
  
"Yeah, but it feels so -"  
  
"I know. But you have to get over it. No matter how good it feels. And there *are* substitutes, you know?"  
  
"Substit... Oh. But that never quite ..."  
  
"I know, it may not be the same, but it'll help you to get over the first couple of weeks. And afterwards you'll never know that you once craved it. That is if you never do it again."  
  
"What if I'm tempted to do it again? What if I can't resist? If the pull is so strong, that I just ..."  
  
"Come to me. I'm here for you. That's what friends are for, right? If I got over my addiction, you'll get over yours in no time. And with the substitutes you don't even have to go all cold turkey."  
  
"Don't have to ... Willow, I really don't know if substitutes will ... do for me. After the real thing that is ... and it wasn't just that. I know I tried to tell myself that it was just the kick, but lately ... You know, these feelings I talked about? I don't think I can leave it all behind. I don't think I ever want to. I even think ... I even think I may lo-"  
  
"I thought you'd probably be skeptic about substitutes. So I got you this brochure."  
  
"You got me what??"  
  
"A brochure. I don't know why you're so shocked, Buffy. There are people out there with just the same problem, you know? It's nothing to be ashamed of. Here, just take a look at it, perhaps it'll help you."  
  
Thud.  
  
"Buffy? Buffy! Dawn? Dawn, I need your help!"  
  
"What happened, Willow?"  
  
"I don't know. I was just talking to Buffy when she suddenly fainted."  
  
"What did you talk about?"  
  
"About ... well, I really don't know if it's my place to tell you, Dawnie. I think she should do it herself, when she wakes up that is. I'll go and get a wet cloth perhaps that'll help her."  
  
"Sure."  
  
Dawn looked down at the brochure that lay crumpled at the ground.  
  
"Didn't know anybody here had problems like this."  
  
'Don't Give Up Giving Up. The Irreversible Health Effects of Cigarette Smoking.' 


End file.
